Knot Funny
by Red Witch
Summary: Reed Richards gets a little too caught up in his own experiments. You would think a guy that smart wouldn't do something as stupid as get himself into messes like these.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I do not own any Fantastic Four characters has been twisted into knots. This fic was inspired by not only the movie, but also an old comic I read. Not to mention all the other demented musings of my twisted mind. This is just a fun one shot I felt like doing. Of course a lot of readers out there would argue that this fic is just like all my others…**

**Knot Funny**

"Oh for crying out loud Reed!" Sue gave an exasperated groan. "Not **again!"**

"Sue please," Reed begged. His entire body was stretched out almost towards the ceiling, twisted and knotted into strange positions. His face was near the floor and his legs and hands were sticking out at strange angles near the ceiling. "I really could use a hand here. Especially since mine are somewhere near my knees."

Sue gave her fiancée a look and casually clapped. "You know what I meant," Reed groaned.

"And apparently you didn't know what **I** meant when I told you not to try that experiment again," Sue gave Reed a look.

"Just get Ben and help me **please!"** Reed begged.

"Fine, don't get yourself tied up into a knot…" Sue began. "Oh wait you already did."

"Sue!"

"Fine," Sue walked off to find Ben. She found him lifting weights in the gym. Reed had built a special machine so that Ben could press several tons at a time. "Enjoying the new weights?"

"Yup," Ben exhaled. "I gotta hand it to Reed, this thing is giving me a workout."

"Well I'm afraid you're going to have to get a different one right now," Sue told him. "Mostly a mental exercise, how to get the knots out of a certain scientist's back. And knees, and arms…"

"He did it again didn't he?" Ben chuckled as he put down the weights and followed her.

"I'm afraid so," Sue sighed as they went into Reed's lab. Reed was still there on the floor. "Here's the Rubber Band Man himself. The brilliant scientist who never needs to listen to what his fiancée is saying and…"

"Yes dear, I get it…" Reed groaned.

"Good because by the looks of things you are not **going** to get it for quite a while," Sue gave him a look.

"I don't think I could even if I tried right now," Reed told her.

"What were you thinking?" Ben bent down to look at him. "Geeze you got yourself tangled up there pretty good."

"Well I wanted to test my body's flexibility…" Reed winced as Ben pulled on a body part that might have been his arm. "There is still so much about our powers we don't understand."

"I thought you learned your lesson the last time we played Twister," Ben gave him a look.

"Apparently not," Reed admitted. "Could you do something please? This is as uncomfortable as it looks."

"Sure pal," Ben nodded. He looked out into the hall. "HEY JOHNNY! GET THE CAMERA! STRETCH TURNED HIMSELF INTO A HUMAN PRETZEL AGAIN!"

**"What?"** Johnny called out from his room. "OH MAN I GOTTA SEE THIS!"

"Thanks Ben," Reed sighed. "I really needed **that."**

"He did it **again?"** Johnny ran in. "Oh man did he ever! Wow, this is even worse than last time! I gotta get a picture of this!"

"No, you don't!" Sue told him. "Now come on, let's untie him."

"Or we could find a Boy Scout troop that's really good with knots," Johnny shrugged.

"Just help me here," Sue groaned. "You take that leg. I'll get his arm. Ben take that other leg." The three of them started to work on Reed.

"Oh…" Reed winced. "Oh…That's uncomfortable. Watch it. Watch it…"

"I am watching it!" Johnny snapped.

"Not you, Ben!" Reed told him. "Ben, you're pulling my leg the wrong way. Pull it to the right."

"I am pulling it to the right," Ben told him.

"Not **your **right, **my **right," Reed said.

"In other words, left," Ben glared at him.

"Yes, left, pull left," Reed said.

"If you wanted me to pull left you should have **said** left!" Ben told him.

"I did say left," Reed said.

"No, you said right!" Ben snapped.

"I said **my** right which technically is left," Reed said.

"Then you **should** have said **left,"** Sue told him. "Is that your elbow?"

"No, that's my spleen," Reed grunted. "It's a good thing I'm elastic or else this would **really **be painful. OW! BEN!"

"What?" Ben snapped. "I pulled it left!"

"Well you should have pulled it right," Johnny said.

"Now don't **you **start with me," Ben glared at him.

"Boys will you please calm down?" Sue told them. "Now I think this goes here. And this is his foot so that goes there…."

"Oh turn that arm counterclockwise," Ben said.

"No, turn it clockwise," Johnny said.

"It goes counterclockwise," Ben said.

"No clockwise! Trust me on this!" Johnny said.

"OWWWWWW!" Reed winced.

"Okay, maybe it does go counterclockwise?" Johnny shrugged.

"Told you," Ben stuck out his tongue.

"Let's see…now, this must be the elbow…" Sue struggled with a body part.

"Oh!" Reed started.

"Did that hurt?" Sue asked.

"No…" Reed gulped. "But, uh…That's not my elbow."

"Oops," Sue let go. "Sorry dear."

"Normally I wouldn't mind that but seeing as we have an audience…" Reed rolled his eyes.

"Hey Stretch, this ain't exactly our idea of a perfect evening ya know?" Ben told him.

"Yeah playing Rubik's Reed Richards isn't as much fun as it looks," Johnny said.

"This isn't working," Sue blew out some air. "All we're doing is making it worse."

"No kidding!" Reed winced. "I've got knots in places even **I **never knew existed!"

"How did you **get **like this in the first place?" Johnny asked.

"Well…" Reed winced. "Do you see that device over in the corner?"

"You mean the one that looks like a giant Game Cube attached to a vacuum cleaner?" Johnny asked.

"No, the other one," Reed told him.

"The one that looks like a lamp crossed with a telephone booth?" Ben asked.

"No, I meant the **other** other one," Reed winced. "The one that resembles a taffy pull machine."

"You mean the one on the **left?"** Ben asked. "Why can't you say that word?"

"Why would you put yourself in a taffy pull machine?" Sue asked.

"It's not a taffy pull machine," Reed explained. "It's a molecular expansion measurement unit."

"In other words it's something that stretches your body instead of stretching taffy," Johnny surmised.

"Exactly," Reed nodded. "I was doing quite well until I went up to level eight."

"Yeah well eight is more than enough," Ben thought. "So this thing tied you up huh?"

"Yes," Reed said. The he felt Ben pick him up. "Uh Ben, what are you doing?"

"Well…" Ben huffed as he lifted Reed over his head. "I figure if this thing tied you up then maybe it can untie you."

"Uh, Ben…" Reed gulped as he started to sag in Ben's hands like dough. "As much as that theory may seem plausible, I don't believe…"

"Alley oop!" Ben tossed him into the machine. "Okay Torch, hit it!"

"Now wait a minute…" Reed protested as the machine started up.

"What level?" Johnny asked.

"Well if eight did this try nine," Ben said.

"You got it," Johnny fiddled with the dials.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" Reed screamed as he spun around and around.

"I don't think it's working," Sue said. "Try a higher number."

"NO! NO! AAAAAHHHHH!" Reed screamed as he spun around even faster.

"I don't think it's high enough," Johnny said.

"Well what's the highest it goes up to?" Ben asked.

"YEAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Reed howled. "Oh boy I'm going to feel **that** in the morning!"

"The dial says eleven," Johnny looked at it. "Look right across the board. It says eleven."

"He's right," Sue looked at it. "All the dials say eleven."

"Does it mean it's faster?" Ben asked.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Looks pretty fast to me," Johnny blinked.

"It is one faster I guess," Ben scratched his head. "I guess that's so it will get an extra kick."

"Why didn't he just make ten faster and have that be the top number?" Sue asked. "These go to eleven," Johnny shrugged.

"SUE STOP THIS CRAZY THING!"

"Johnny stop it," Sue told him. "I think it's going too fast!"

"**YOU** THINK IT'S GOING TOO FAST?" Reed screamed. "TRUST ME! IT'S GOING **TOO FAST!"**

"Johnny shut it off!" Sue said.

"I can't!" Johnny fiddled with the dials. "The controls won't respond!"

"Let me at 'em!" Ben reached over to touch the controls but due to his massive hand accidentally smashed them. "Oops."

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Reed shouted as the machine spun even faster. Finally the controls shorted out sending him slamming right into a wall. He seemed to meld into a ball then he fell to the floor, completely straightened out.

"Ow…" Reed moaned.

"Well it worked," Ben shrugged.

"That's because we kicked it up to eleven," Johnny said.

"I don't want to do that again…" Reed said in a funny voice. "I'm gonna take a nap right now." He passed out.

"You think he'll remember this time?" Ben asked.

"He will if we put lipstick on him," Johnny had a gleam in his eye. "And maybe some eye shadow."

"Can we Suzie?" Ben's eyes widened.

"Normally I would say no, but in this case…" Sue sighed. "Just let me get the camera."


End file.
